Many people in our wide vast world have the uncanny ability of being tremendously stupid. A simple dive into any random message board over the internet will reveal such a fact. Regardless of the nature of the board, there are always people who just don’t ‘get’ the internet. As such, you may find posts as “how can I get this girl to like me” on a bodybuilding forum or “what should I give my near-dead grandma for her birthday” on a forum concerning a specific breed of cats. Personally, I never really understood why these digital misfits do this. However, once in a while something interesting happens. A certain braindead user may ask a question like “what should I prepare for my job interview”, this being a retarded question. But it may happen that such a topic could quite well evolve into a digital sanctuary for people exchanging tips and tricks, hence raising its usefulness by a factor of infinite. For this purpose today’s article; Vicious on Life.
In here I will contemplate the most important things you have to know, master or do in life. Abiding by these rules will not necessarily lead to success but you are probably an impressionable fool looking for golden ‘tips on life’ because you are such a horrendous failure. Anyway let’s go!
- You are AWESOME
- No seriously, no matter what leaps of logic you have to make, always, ALWAYS assume to be superior to everyone around you.
- DO NOT make this apparent in your behavior. I’m not going to explain this one.
- Know thyself.
After you have convinced yourself of being the best person ever to be blessed with a semi-functional brain, be sure to know your strengths and weaknesses. If you [really] like solitude, don’t apply for a callcenter job. If you’re not creative, please don’t try to be an artists, that’s how stuff like modern art is born. - The above refers to personality, besides that is knowledge. Be sure to educate yourself in as much fields as possible. Be sure to have a FOUNDED opinion on everything. If you are unsure of something (say, is there other life in the universe) simply say explain what you know and conclude with “INSIGNIFICANT DATA FOR PROPER CONCLUSION”. Be sure to scream it.
- When emptying a bottle of tooth paste remember that after the apparent last bit has been squeezed out, you can get even more out of it by cutting it in half and scooping out the remains. These are things worth saving money on people.
- Have you convinced yourself you’re awesome yet? Yes? Great, now convince yourself you are Gods direct gift to mankind.
- Get in good physical shape. Unless you’re overflowing with charisma (you’re not or you wouldn’t be reading this) getting in shape helps. People are naturally more receptive to people pleasing to the eye.
- After you get in good shape, get in great shape. If you accomplish this, convincing yourself you are a divine present shouldn’t be too difficult.
- Vicious is awesome.
- Lie. This one is easy. Looking for a temporary job, everything is going really well in the interview and they are asking if you’re available on a more permanent basis? Lie. Practice in this as well.
- If you haven’t convinced yourself you’re awesome yet, imagine everyone else in their underwear. Then contemplate how morally superior you are to a bunch of perverts and revel in your new knowledge.
- You should send Vicious money.
- No seriously, he’s helping your life.
- Learn to talk to animals. Unlike trees, animals can be trained to follow basic commands, making for potentially hilarious situations.
- Buy all-white cloths, shave your head and tattoo a giant ‘V’ on your forehead. Also, Vicious is Gods incarnation among men.
- Turn the wheel
- Turn the wheel
- Turn the wheel
- Turn the wheel
- Turn the wheel
- Turn the wheel
- Turn the wheel
Memorize these and the world is yours (Vicious’s).
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