I do not like self-pity. Consequently, I do not like people who pity themselves. As a result of this, whenever a large amount of people start to pity themselves over a vague ‘condition’ (like say, convincing themselves they are autistic) there is this instinctive ever-judging part of me that conjures up the urge to research said topic and devastate it more brutally than the Americans devastated Hiroshima. The other day I happened to find a website seemingly dedicated to the ‘Asperger’s syndrome’. Naturally I could not resist the temptation to feast on the horrible combination of self-induced misery and quackery within.

First I need to explain my position on Asperger’s syndrome, which I will refer to as AS hereafter. People who ‘have AS’ consider themselves to be in the lower range of the autism spectrum. In ordinary language; they figure they are almost-but-not-quite-autistic. In reality, AS is the new number one excuse people exert from their wretched mouths as why they fail in life. You see, AS sufferers consist of the people formerly known as the ‘socially retarded’ or ‘severe losers’. The kind of people who are not necessarily dumb by any academic standards (if these existed), but who lack any social grace, subtlety or skill. Again I would not care strongly for this group were it not for an additional splinter the size of a tree trunk in my eye; instead of approaching social graces as just another skill that needs to be learned and actually practiced, the AS morons blame everything on their horribly overblown condition. To illustrate, I will link to, summarize and comment on a few of the articles found at an Asperger’s syndrome dedicated website; http://www.wrongplanet.net. Some will be serious, other will naturally be humorous cheapshots.

Title; Can Aspies Make Friends and Have Dates?

Before commenting, I must add something. A while ago I remember reading an obviously satire work on how to start an online cult. Some of the steps included; a) giving a nickname to your group b) categorize everyone that isn’t in your group under a general name and c) find something distinctive to set you apart. Although I had long forgotten these rules, they were the first to pop into my mind while reading the article.

The article itself is, contrary to what the title may suggest, actually not that much about making friends or having dates. It opens with was is perhaps the most disturbing paragraph found on the entire site;

Among aspies, there’s a myth that goes something like this: “NTs (Neurologically Typicals) socialize because they gain glorious, heartfelt relationships that fulfill them and bring them warmth and joy.” Well, go say that to an NT. You’ll get roars of laughter. They’ll tell you in a twink that statement is nosense.

Notice how right off the bat this statement fulfills criteria a) and b) of the online-cult checklist. We get the feeling that on the one hand we have the weak, frail AS sufferers ‘aspies’ trying to make sense of the horrible cruel world ruled by supremacist ‘NTs’. Think about this for a moment. This article actually just categorized the WHOLE human non-autistic population under a single banner and gave a negative connotation to it (‘Neurologically Typical’ sounds both demeaning and sterile). The next part of the article is mostly an odd rambling about how NTs subconsciously treat every social encounter as a game to gain sex and/or power. Of course this is in itself probably true, but the writer seems to miss the point; humans are social creatures through and through. Consider the fact that we are so attuned to social interaction that we can actually physically feel ‘awkwardness’ or someone having a ‘nice personality’. With this in mind it is not a giant leap of faith to assume that maybe, just maybe some people actually like talking to others and don’t automatically want to fuck/rule them. The rest of the article barely makes sense even by my standards.

Title; How Do I Respond Quickly in Conversations?

Here are the delirious ramblings of someone who has read one to many of Oscar Wilde’s work. Basically, this person wants to have an easy 5-step program to develop wit, humor and intelligence. Chances are that if you do not develop these on your own, you will never truly have any of them. To be fair, the writer seemed to be on the right path by suggesting the aspie (shudder) in question to get acting lessons or something, but then ruins it in the end with this marvel;

Sit across from a partner. Stare directly into each other’s eyes for at least 5-10 minutes. The body should be relaxed, no crossed arms or legs, and there should be minimal blinking, swallowing, and zero facial expression, and no attitude.

Yeah, this won’t be awkward or creepy at all, you have the social grace of a dissected frog.

Title; Are pretty aspies more socially accepted?

Newsflash: pretty PEOPLE are more socially accepted. This is the case, has always been the case and will always be the case. And it is not a bad thing either, physical appearance is not just for yourself, it is a meter by which to gauge how much you respect the people around you. Because in reality, it causes me significantly less discomfort to explain thermo-electric cooling to a cute girl than to fat slobbering bitch.

Title; How to Handle Unexpected Conversation?
OH MY GOOD LORD SOMEONE IS TALKING TO ME WHAT DO I DO KNOW INTERNET???????/////!!!!1.

I’m bored now, go read the site for yourself and post any gems you find here.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 23rd, 2008 at 2:50 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.