Although modern science has brought us many technological marvels ranging from handheld tools to enormous power plants that generate gargantuan amounts of power from rocks called uranium, modern science in some respects fails to answer the most basic of human questions. Sure, science may allow you to calculate what happens if you compress a liter of air to one tenth of its original volume or science will tell you how to make sure you stay afloat during a shipwreck, but will it tell you elemental knowledge such as how big of a slut your girlfriend is or by what order of magnitude the Zionists are controlling the mind of that hobo that has been spying on you for days? The answer is no, it will not. I however, will expand the known knowledge of science with empirical and tested true science of the modern real world.

Jews controlling the Media.

As everyone with half a working brain knows of the Jewish conspiracy that has been running for at least 2 millennia of conquering the world. Although one may debate about the effectiveness of this conspiracy if it has been operating for over 2000 years, certain facts have to be considered;

• Judaism is the oldest still-standing religion in the world and has thus been able to gather influence the longest
• Jews have a long history of banking and gathering wealth, money equals power, henceforth Jews have proven to be quite adept at gathering power.
• Jews have, in the past, been prosecuted numerous times (Romans, Nazis etc.). Is this a true coincidence or have these “evil” persecutors merely found the truth behind the Jewish mask of religion.
• Modern media has made it easy for Jews to communicate with the outside world; think how easy it is to insert sublime messages in commercials or spy on your PC compared to preaching to nobleman and bribing kings in the dark ages.

With this in mind, it is not a stretch to say that modern man needs a way to determine just exactly to what degree he is influenced by these monsters. For this, I have come up with a Vicious-Physical® quantity to determine the amount of influence Jews may have on your life.

The quantity H (Pronounced; Itler) is expressed in Jews/ad or Jews×add^-1. So for example, I may say that in Amsterdam, the level of Itler is 5.3 Jews/ad (fictional number).

H may be calculated with the relatively simple formula;

H = ι x (N x t)/d

In which H expresses the quantity of Jews / ad,

N is the amount of Jews (in %) of your country or city or other area (one may also directly use numbers, in which case N should be replaced by ((Number of Jews)/(Total Population) * 100),

t represents the amount of televisions and radio’s in your house,

d is the thickness of your home’s outer walls (in meters!) because Jews have mind-controlling neutrino beams which penetrate walls,

the greek letter ι represents the influence constant, which are typically tabled per country (note that this assumes homogenous distribution). Note that in order for the units to work, ι is given as Jews x ad^-1 x m^-1

In order to demonstrate, I will produce several examples;

H^USA = ι^usa x (N x t)/d

For our common household we assume 2 televisions and 2 radios, hence t = 4. The thickness the outer walls can be measured and is 30 cm (0,3 meter). From literary sources we find that the percentage of Jews in the States is about 1.8% and the ι^usa (found in the back of the Vicous’ Guide to Alternative Physics textbook) is about ι = 0.456 Jews x ad^-1 x m^-1.

Using this information in the formula gives us;

H^USA = 0.456 x (1.8 x 4)/0.3 = 10.9 Jews / ad

In layman’s terms, this means that on average 10.9 (that is almost 11!) Jews were at least associated with every ad you watch or hear from your information source of choice (television, radio, internet). As a guideline, all values of Itler above 6 should be treated seriously and with cautions. America better beware.

The second example is the Itler value of Germany, again, we start with the general formula;

H^Ger = ι^ger x (N x t)/d

We assume the same household values in the USA hold true for Germany, that is; t = 4 and d = 0.3m. The percentage of Jews in Germany = N = 0.3% while the ι for Germany is at a surprisingly low 0.025 Jews x ad^-1 x m^-1 (low due to historical reasons). Using the formula we get;

H^Ger = 0.025 x (0.3 x 4)/0.3 = 0.1 Jews / ad

Comparing Germany to the USA, Germans are less influenced by Jews to a factor of over 100! (Note: Germany has in fact, the lowest Itler of the world).

Finally, if this scientific fact has made you concerned about your vulnerability to the Jews, we need only look at the formula to see how you can decrease your own Itler. First of all, the most obvious solution would be to decrease the number of televisions and radios in your house. If t = 0, then the total amount of Itler will be 0 as well. If this is undesired for some reason, increasing the thickness of your walls will work as well.

Exercise

If you wish to test your Alternative Physic® skills, please try and solve the following problem:

Little Timmy is a lone tenant in Manhattan, New York, USA. Timmy is concerned about his vulnerability to the great Zionist conspiracy. He has only 1 television and because he lives in a shitty neighborhood his walls are only 4 inches thick. Should Timmy be concerned?

Answers at the bottom of the article

How much of a slut your significant other (female only) is.

Ever since the dawn of communication the male half of the population has been sexually insecure. This is usually vented by bragging about sexual “achievements” and the famous 1-upping (e.g. Billy-Bob: “oh yeah, cousin Joe-Bob? Well I had intercourse with a significantly larger amount of women then you did!”). For some reason however, the inverse holds true for women. Any women claiming a large (or even mediocre) amount of sexual partners will inevitably be labeled a slut and a whore. For this article however, whoredom is largely unimportant and sluttiness will instead be focused upon.

As you may have noticed already, sluttiness is a very annoying word. So naturally my scientists have replaced it with an easier, colder and analytical one; the Relative Female Sexual Promiscuousity Index or RFSPI for short. In formulas, the Vicious’ Alternative-Physics symbol for RFSPI is R. Because RFSPI’s value is an index, it does not have its own unit, as we will soon extrapolate from the formula. Speaking about the formula, it is defined as;

R = (S^f + 2)/(S^m- 2)

Where R represents the RFSP-Index and S^f and S^m represent the amount of sexual partners for the women and man respectively. If we look at both S’s and see that both have the same unit (number of sexual partners), we can instantly see that R must be unitless, just as mentioned above. Note that the female number has a distinctive +2 to the amount of sexual partners (because all women are lying whores) and the male number has -2 (because all men are bragging assholes) as long as S^m is larger than or equal to 0 (special case for 0 will be treated below). The +2 and -2 are generally referred to as Liar’s constant.

The most important thing to remember with the Index is that it is a relative quantity and is in no way absolute. This means that it will provide a different value for any different number of people (of course, only if the values for S are different) and that the Index will also change over time. Let’s just look at some examples shall we?

Consider the beautiful high school sweethearts Eric and Melissa. Eric was quite the promiscuous man before settling down and claims a total number of 4 partners (Melissa included). Melissa on the other hand claims Eric was her second sexual partner. How much of a slut is Melissa? We fill in the formula for S^f = 2 and S^m = 4, this gives us;

R = (2+2)/(4-2) = 4/2 = 2

This means that Melissa is a relative slut with a value of 2 compared to Eric.

Next we will evaluate a special case;

The Dark Lord of Shadows (real name; Edgar, a vivid Dungeons & Dragons roleplayer) is interested in the slut-level of Miranda, who has a boyfriend yet claims to be a virgin. Edgar himself is obviously a virgin still (and will remain so till the end of time). Plugging the values of S^f = 0 and S^m = 0 in the formula gives;

R = (0 + 2) / (0 - 2) = 2/0 = ERROR

(Note that the absolute value of S^m may not be less than 0)

Here we see the special case mentioned a few paragraphs above. In the event of a divide by 0 situation, we may assume the value of R to increase to infinite. What does this mean in reality? It means that Edgar is a judging sack of shit who treats all women as infinite sluts (that is what the number represents) because he is jealous of them and of his sexually active peers for doing better in “the sex” as Edgar refers to it.

Exercise

Again, a test if you feel you’re up to it, answers at the bottom of the article.

Miranda of the above example dates and has sex with Jason (on the first date nonetheless). Jason claims 5 sexual partners (inc. Miranda). How much of a slut is Miranda relative to Jason?

Absolute measurement of Evil

The final of Vicious’ Alternative-Physical Quantities of today is that related to determining the level of evil of a single human being. Evilness is a difficult attribute to describe, because of the fact that many different interpretations of evil exist. Vicious’ Guid to Alternative Physics however maintains the kill-style of evil calculation for large values such as military and political commanders. Although it is possible to calculate the absolute evil of smaller crimes such as individual mass-murderers and rapists, this is generally a tedious task and will therefore be neglected in this chapter.

Like all other physical stuff, evil has its own quantity; E. The unit of E is nazi, chosen for poetic purposes and not to be confused with Nasi (Hebrew for Prince) or Nasi Goreng (dish). Without further ado; the formula for evil is;

E = (ln(u +1)) x k

Where E is evil,

Ln is the natural logarithmic function (found on scientific calculators),

u is the amount of dead humans responsible and

k is equal to 1000.

Note that the ln function is used to substantially decrease large numbers to small ones for easy handling. Instead of explaining the formula, I think it will be clear when plugged into an example;

Evaluate the evil of Joseph Stalin.

First of all, we look at several sources to find the value of u, the amount of deaths Stalin (World War II is not included, as strict technically, that war was self-defense) is responsible for amounts to roughly 20 million. Unfortunately no exact number is known, so estimates will have to do. Formula filling gives;

E = (ln(20 x 10⁶) + 1) x 1000 = 17811 nazi or, for easier pronunciation; 17.8 kilonazi.

Evil may also be evaluated for single events, such as the Holocaust or the World Trade Center assault famously known (in the USA only) as 9/11.

Holocaust; death toll; 11 million.

E = (ln(11 x 10⁶)+1) x 1000 = 17.2 kilonazi

9/11; death toll; 2,974

E=(ln(2974)+1) x 1000 = 8.9 kilonazi

Kind of puts things into perspective doesn€™t it? Although it should be noted that this is not a linear scale, as a single murder will give one a value of 1 kilonazi and 10 murders that of 3.3 kilonazi. It should therefore not be compared linearily (e.g. 2 kilonazi does not mean 2 times as bad as 1 kilonazi, it means that 2 nazi is roughly 2.71 times as bad as 1 nazi)

Exercise

Final exercise

Evaluate the absolute evil of Mao Zedong. Hint; look for his attributed death toll first

Answers to the excercises

1. Little Timmy’s Zionist problem, using the information given we find ι^USA = 0.456 Jews x ad^-1 x m^-1, t = 1, d = 4 inches (roughly 10cm or 0.1 m) and N = 1.8%. Using the formula we extract:
   H = 0.456 x (1.8 x 1)/0.1 = 8.2 Jews/ad
   This number is higher than the guideline of 6, so Timmy should definitely be worried!

2. From the example we know that Miranda claimed 0 sexual partners before Jason, including Jason, this should be increased to 1. Jason claims 5. Plug in the formula;
   R = (1 + 2)/(5 - 3) = 3/2 = 1.5
   Miranda is a 1.5x slut relativ to Jason.

3. A literature research reveals a death toll of roughly 40 million given to Mao. Using the formula;
   E = (ln(40 x 10⁶)+1) x 1000 = 18.5 kilonazi

Notes:
*After a little research I found out that the term kilonazi was used by some webcomic before me. This is a coincidence, tough luck.

If you liked this article, please donate and find out for yourself that the greatest gift is to give to others

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 27th, 2007 at 11:21 am and is filed under Philosophy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.