Well the title says it all I think.
So I met a street missionary the other day. Normally I would have glanced at the want-to-be-prophet, smiled and walk away. But not this time. This time he came disguised. In fact, the only reason I stopped (after brushing off a guy collecting money for some hungry kids somewhere) was because he looked like a confused tourist wanting to ask a genuine question, like the location of some street that none ever visits or directions to the nearest whorehouse. Instead I was bombarded by “Have you found Jesus in your life?”. On any other day that would have been the end of it, but I was feeling particularly jolly (partly because I just refused to give money to hungry children) and he didn’t look like a psychopathic murderer that would stab me if I refused to believe in Christ.
The first part of our talk was fairly basic; whether I believed in an afterlife (no), whether I have read the bible (no, but I know the context in fair detail) and similar. After a while I got bored and decided to unleash powerful logic spells on the unsuspected prophet, such as basic thinking and demanding evidence. Basically, it went like this;
(All is paraphrased and translated, so if it doesn’t sound naturally, go fuck yourself)
Unicorn argumentation
- Missionary: Do you believe in an afterlife?
- Vicious: No. Absolutely not. After life there is nothing.
- Missionary: How do you know?
- Vicious: It is not that I know for sure there isn’t, it is the lack of evidence that there is. It’s the same as if I were to claim there is a unicorn just around the corner, you have nothing but my word, but can’t disproof it either.
- Missionary: (Blank stare)
But Jesus died for our sins, for your sins!
Circular logic
- Missionary: Jesus is God!
- Vicious: How do you know?
- Missionary: In the Bible, Jesus actually says he is God.
- Vicious: That’s hardly proof, you know he is God because he said he is, that doesn’t make any sense.
- Missionary: But he died for our sins!
But he died for our sins!
(Trying a different approach)
- Vicious: How do you know for sure that Christianity is the true way to salvation?
- Missionary: Because he says so, he said; “I am God, and I am salvation.” (heavily paraphrased, I don’t have the quote right now)
- Vicious: Buddha said his way was a way to samsara and I’m pretty sure Krishna said something about that as well.
- Missionary: But Buddha and Krishna didn’t die for our sins!
After this discussion, lasting about 20 minutes, I came to the conclusion that apparently any conflict can be resolved and any argument won by referring to a martyr, because dying means you’re right. On the other hand, if I was a young man that successfully fought off drug addiction (so he told me), with the help of my imaginary buddy Jesus, I might claim the same. That, however, does not make it any more true.
He was however a pretty good guy overall, and I believe he honestly meant what he said.
If I ever meet you again in a pub of some sort, I’ll buy you a drink.
Maybe.
Well, I’ll think about it.
Probably
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