In the past week I have had the distinct displeasure of being forced to interact with my Christian relatives. Now I am not a man to care about what bullshit you worship, I do however, care how smart you are. And heavens behold! It seems that one’s intelligence and probability to be religious are inversely proportional! (that means stupid people tend to be fundamentalists). It is not that I specifically dislike Christians or my family for that matter, I just can’t stand idiots.
Whenever I am in a religious area, the first thing I do is scout for information. I dig through newspapers and magazines like a member of the Russian Propaganda Force™ and use my superior mnemonic abilities to quickly absorb all information. Unfortunately for me, most of the written task is so utterly boring I might as well watch one of the numerous Discovery channel shows on bike manufacturers. One would think that the bible, being a book of finite text, could only produce a finite amount of spin-offs. If one believes that, one is wrong. Miraculously, the bible is apparently an infinite source of inspiration to countless middle-aged middle-upper class people with no prospect on the future. Consequently, over half of all newspaper articles consist of
- Columns quoting a random part of the bible and paraphrasing that line about ten times.
- Stories of how some insignificant woman saw the light after some insignificant event.
The rest is either made up of utterly uninteresting events in the local hamlets (OH NOES, THE SHOP IS CLOSED ON SUNDAY, WHAT A SURPRISE), which leads us to the next problem; religion fanatics are always found in the rural environments. You know why? Because a long time ago, smart people flocked together to form cities, while the dumb stayed astray. Sadly, the dice of time have now caused cityfolk to be just as dumb as their rural counterparts, only less religious.
The final content of Christian ‘news’papers consist of true propaganda. I took liberty in remembering a specific one. The article quoted an American study that concludes that children raised in Christian/Jewish houses perform better academically and socially. First of all, this isn’t the USA, and not all studies apply everywhere. Second, the study was not named, way to build credibility. Third, the ‘study’ consisted of asking the parents how their children were doing. I’m not sure about you, but I have never seen a parent go “Yep, I raised my boys Christian and now they are the worst sinners of town”. Parent information is too biased for such a study, better to ask the children whether their forced believes affected their lives in a positive way.
On a final note on Christian literature, it is not just the newspapers, the magazines are equally worse; I actually found a Christian cookbook. I don’t know why it was called Christian, as it didn’t see fit to go to church at all. Also, its contents were indistinctible from a normal cookbook, but I suppose the Christian label made it more appealing. People will swallow anything (ask the nazis).
That is all for today, more about Christian discussions later if I feel like it.
Don’t drop us a line, it is God’s will!
If you liked this article, please donate and find out for yourself that the greatest gift is to give to others
