Behold, for I am the Lord. The Lord who led ye out of Egypt and who giveth you the Ten Commandments. Now the Lord has watched the progress of man most intensely for thousands of years and frankly, you scare the Lord. So now the Lord bringest you the Ten Things the Lord Hates and Shall not Tolerate, so that ye may better your lives.

1. Murderers. There is never an excuse to take the life of another man. Exceptions include if the heretic does not accept the Lord or has a slightly different skin tone.
2. Rapists. With thy actions, thou disfigures the very soul of man and woman alike. For this, only prison rape and a lifetime of solitude will suffice.
3. Drunks. The Lord has given you a fine body capable of locomotion and able to craft tools, yet you consume the poisonous alcohol willingly, let it blind ye judgement and expect to be forgiven for all of ye atrocities. Take into thy mind; there is no alcohol in Heaven nor Hell.
4. Scooters. Thou hast no reason to posses or utilise a scooter. Ever.
5. Second Life. The Lord has given you a first life, yet ye live in ingratitude and sloth. Furthermore, it is too complex. Thou artst disgraces to humanity.
6. Kathy Sierra. Thou art not special, nor the first on the internet confronted with fake violence. For every second thou cries in a corner, the years of man’s suffering will be increased a hundredfold.
7. Feminists. The Lord made women to serve man, why else does thou think man has more muscles and is capable of more advanced reasoning?
8. The obese. Thou desecrates the human form, given to you by the Lord through thy gluttony and sloth. Then thou complainst when thou ist taken to be measured like the animal thou art.
9. Anime. Thou ravishes the human form, given to you by the Lord for thy own sexual perversion. The eyes given to you by the Lord to see were not meant to be the size of small celestial objects and magical powers border the worship of pagan gods. Take good care to look under thy bed tonight lest ye be surprised by the Lord’s wrath.
10. Easter. The Lord, in all his wisdom and power does not comprehend why thou feasts upon cocoa egg shaped objects to celebrate the sacrifice of his only begotten son, Jesus. Artst thou stupid?

More things man hates? Drop thy Lord a line!

This entry was posted on Friday, April 6th, 2007 at 9:49 am and is filed under What the F?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.